Timmy the Barbarian! (transcript)
Script * (Binky's House; Binky was heard sneezing) * Binky: Ah, ah, ah-choo! * (Binky's front door was open as he was seen laying in his bed sick.) * Jorgen: Ah-ha! There you are! Binky, my old friend! I heard you were sick so I've made some of my world famous five hundred pound chicken soup! *''(the soup drops and fell on Binky hard)'' * Binky: Ahh! My tiny fairy spine! * Jorgen: You are welcome. (pulls up a book) And now, I'm going to forcibly read you a bedtime story... WEATHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT!! (jumps and land on Binky's bed) It is a story that will magically happen as I read it. Called... uh... eh... Timmy the Barbarian. * (scene points to Timmy's bedroom as Timmy's bouncing on his bed while making poses as Cosmo and Wanda as fish watches) * Jorgen: Once upon a time, there was a puny child named Timmy Turner who... (magic aurora surrounding and freezing Timmy and his fairies) oh, this is so boring. * Timmy: Hey, what the heck? * Wanda: Oh, no! We're trapped in another Jorgen Von Strangle bedtime story! * Timmy: Is that bad? * Cosmo: Yes! The last one was called The Wolf That Ate Cosmo a Lot! (shows a scar) * Jorgen: Oh, blah, blah, blah! Eh, it's already boring! (flip through pages) Oh, let's just skip ahead. (Timmy looking deed inside his locker head first) Something important is taken from Timmy. * Timmy: Something important was taken from me! (jumps frantically) What do I do? What do I do?! * Jorgen: (as he flip though more pages until Timmy was seen beaten by Francis) He is too puny to get it back himself. * Timmy: (pull his head out of the grass) I'm too puny to get it back! What do I do? What do I do?! * Jorgen: (flip pages until two action screenshots of a barbarian pops up) So he wishes the whole world was like this barbarian movie he saw. * (Timmy watching the movie with Cosmo as popcorn and Wanda as a drink; Timmy walks out of the movie theater) * Jorgen: Because barbarians get to take what they want, kick butt and never apologize. * Timmy: Awesome! I wish I was Timmy the Barbarian! * (Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands; 'POOF!)'' * '''Jorgen: And this is were it gets good. * (a shadowy figure of Timmy the barbarian picks up a huge heavy boulder; screen zooms out showing the episode title, "''Timmy the Barbarian!"; Written by Jack Thomas, Steve Marmel; Story/Storyboard by Dave Thomas; Art Direction Ernie Gilbert; Music by Guy Moon; Directed by Ken Bruce)'' * (an axe splits to the next scene introducing Timmy the Barbarian) * Timmy: I'm Timmy the Barbarian! (riding onto a bull while holding an axe standing on top of beaten up enemies) I take whatever I want, (standing on the tongue of a yellow monster) kick butt, (standing on a tall rock while shouting in the cloudy, stormy sky) and never apologize! * Wanda: And I am your trusty, whip-cracking sidekick, Nagules! * (a dim light bulb lights up; Cosmo carrying a bunch of stuff walk in) * Cosmo: And I am Cosmotheus, the scrawny, cowerdly human pack mule! Even though I'm the smallest and weakest, and I have to carry everything! * (Nagules flick her whip on Cosmotheus making him move) * Wanda: Move faster, dirty one! And comb your hair! And nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag! * Jorgen: And so, Timmy the Barbarian, Cosmotheus the human pack mule. No, wait. The mule face human pack mule. * (Cosmo's head turns into a mule's head) * Cosmo: Hating this! * Jorgen: And Nagules... * Wanda: Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag! * Jorgen: ...went in search of Timmy's missing object, the precious chalice of Mome! * Cosmo: What's a chalice? * Jorgen: But first, Cosmotheus tripped on a bug. * (Cosmotheus tripped on a bug) * Jorgen: (laughs) I love it! Let us read that again! (repeat back to the bug tripped scene) Cosmotheus tripped on a bug. * (Cosmotheus tripped on a bug) * Cosmo: Stop that! * (pages shown of Timmy, Cosmotheus and Nagules traveling) * Jorgen: Okay, uh, let's see... they travel, they travel, the roaming and traveling, blah, blah, blah... until finally they come upon uh... * (''The Enchanted Forest)'' * Cosmo: A bridge? * Jorgen and Timmy: It's not just any bridge. * Jorgen: Hey! That is my line! It was... * Jorgen and Francis: The bridge guarded by Francis the Thunder Troll! * Jorgen: Okay, okay. I get it. Let the story tell itself for a little while. * Timmy: He lives under that tiny bridge? Oh, I'm so scared. Thunder Troll. Bring it on! * (Francis the Thunder Troll pops up from the river revealing he's actually enormous) * Francis: Pay my toll (lifts up his foot) or pay with your lives! * (the troll pounds the ground blowing the barbarian, Cosmotheous and Nagules above the air; Timmy lands softly; close up showing his smile; Timmy begins to fight) * Francis: Ohh! * (Francis picks up a tree and throw it at Timmy; Timmy pick up his axe swirling it cutting the tree to pieces making it and audience stance) * Audience: Go Timmy! * (Francis growls at the audience) * Audience: Go Francis! * (Timmy drops his axe and jumps inside his belly button; Timmy blows a raspberry angering Francis and tries to punch him but missed and punches his own stomach; Francis screams like a girl; Timmy crawls into his ear making Francis slap himself; Timmy crawls inside Francis' nose; Francis punched himself unconscious and lands head first into the ground) * Timmy: (pops out of Francis' nose covered with his snot) Victory! * Audience: Ew. * Cosmo: You win by a nose! Get it? A nose? He-he-he-he-he-he-he! * Timmy: Now, to get back the chalice. * Jorgen: Ha, ha. Alas, the troll did not have it. * Timmy: Darn it! (walks out) I can't believe I crawled up a trolls nose to not get a stupid chalice. * Francis: What's a chalice? * Binky: Oh, well. To bad. Nice story. (jump off his bed and nearly walk out) Time to go. * Jorgen: (grabs a hold of Binky) Not so fast! (strangles Binky as his face turned blue and green) Realizing Francis did not have the chalice, Timmy began his quest to find Vicky the Evil Harpy on Mount Fluffy Bunny! * (a mountain showing a giant stuffed bunny) * Jorgen: Oh, wait no. That's not right. Uh, how about Mount Disco! * (mountain turns into a disco) * Jorgen: No, no that'll never do. Oh, oh, I got it! * (disco turns back into a mountain but more scary looking) * Jorgen: Mount Pain! Our heroes and Cosmotheous... * Cosmo: Hey! * Jorgen: Climbed the treacherous mountain, until Cosmo tripped over another bug. * (Cosmotheus tripped on a bug and fell out of the mountain) * Cosmo: Hating this! * Wanda: Ugh. I'll get him. (walks down) Can't you climb a simple mountain of pain? Nag, nag, nag! Nag! * Jorgen: Finally, they reached the harpy's nest. * Wanda: Look at the size of these eggs! * Cosmo: Alright! The Easter Bunny is coming! (close his eyes) * Jorgen: As Cosmotheus closed his eyes and waited for the Easter Bunny who would never come, the harpy attacked! * (Vicky with the body of a harpy pops up flying behind Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda) * Vicky: Twerp! * (Vicky pop up her claws and charge to Timmy attacking him) * (Timmy screams in horror; a close up to Vicky's sharp claws; she scratch through Timmy's back; Vicky scratch through Timmy's chest; Timmy lurches in pain until Vicky blur fast through Timmy making him lose his balance and fall off the nest of the mountain; Vicky laughs evilly; Timmy's hand was shown as he climbs back up; Vicky looked surprised; Timmy stands dramatically with a torn shirt; he massively flex his muscles popping his torn shirt off, flips his hair off his face and strike a pose; Cosmotheus and Nagules stare blankly) * Wanda: (to Cosmotheus) You should work out more. Nag, nag, nag! * (Timmy pounces on the harpy attacking her off-screen) * Jorgen: Ooh! It was a ferocious battle... (Timmy picks up a defeated Vicky) that he could not win! * Timmy: What?! * Jorgen: (as Vicky placed her claw on top of Timmy's head) And then Vicky crushed the barbarian in her claw, destroying him forever! * Timmy: Aaaah! * Binky: Wait! What kind of bedtime story is that? That's not a happy ending! * Jorgen: It is for me. * (Binky stars making Jorgen change his mind) * Jorgen: Oh, okay... * (back to Timmy and Vicky as they quickly got bored and play cards waiting for the story to continue) * Timmy: You got any fives? * Vicky: Nuh-uh. * Jorgen: Now, oh, where were we? Oh, yes, yes! Right. * (story continues from where it left; Vicky plant her claw on top of Timmy's head; Timmy continues screaming) * Jorgen: But, rather than destroying him with her claws... * Vicky: Aww! * Jorgen: Don't blame me. It is Binky. * Vicky: Curse you Binky! * Jorgen: She chose to drop Timmy the Barbarian into... * Vicky: (as she and Timmy flies up the sky) Yeah?! Yeah?! * (screen pans down to the ground) * Jorgen: Uh, the Forbidden Valley of the Really Pointy Rocks! (sharp rocks pop up) ...of pain! * Vicky: Works for me! * Wanda: But not for me! (swing her whip wrapping on Vicky the harpy's other claw and gives her whip to Cosmotheus) Sorry about this honey. * Cosmo: Why? * (Nagules push Cosmotheus off the mountains nest while he was still carrying the whip; Vicky attached to the whip falls off with Cosmotheus releasing Timmy as he lands and squishes her eggs) * Vicky: Wow, these rocks really are pointy! * Cosmotheus: Uh-huh! And painful! (his butt deflates while sitting on the pointy side of the rocks) * Timmy: Way to go Nagules! Not to get that chalice! * Jorgen: But, unfortunately, Vicky did not have the chalice either! * Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: Oh, come on! * Timmy: Fine! Now what? * (camera pull wide out showing the pages of the book) * Jorgen: Ah, uh... let me see here... (flip through a page) The Island of beautiful mermaids that all look like Trixie Tang... * Timmy: Cool! * Jorgen: Skimping that. (turns the page) * Timmy: What?! * Jorgen: Timmy's long march though the Forest of Tasty Candy Canes... no, we don't need that one either. * Timmy: Eugh! * (black screen) * Jorgen: Which brings up to the fiery, the awful, the horribleness of- (a cave that looks like Crocker's head) the Cave of Crock-or! ehuh... the Volcano Lair of Crock-or! ...of pain! * Timmy: I'll bet he has the chalice! * Jorgen: Mmm-hmm, he does! * (Timmy squeals like a little girl in delight) * (inside the volcano) * Jorgen: And so... Timmy, Cosmotheus and Nagules... * Wanda: And tie your sandals, and wash your face, and straighten your canteen belt... * Jorgen: ...traveled deep into the bowels of the volcano... eh, where... uh... they met- eh- the evil Wizard Crock-or! * Crocker (Ha, ha ha! So barbarian, you think you can defeat me and get this Chalice of Mome? (makes the chalice disappear) Myself, I think you... fail! * (Crock-or use his magic to form a fire in the shape of an F and tosses it at the heroes; they jump away from the fire) * Cosmo: (as he runs) Ah! This ends badly for the donkey man! * (Crock-or cast a spell and poof up a bug making Cosmotheus trip) * Cosmo: Hating this! (thud) * Jorgen: (laugh) I like the way this guy thinks! * (Nagules pulls up her whip but Crock-or turns it into a cobra) * Wanda: Aaah! (stops screaming) Your breath is terrible! Is it too much to ask you to brush your teeth?! Nag, nag, nag! * (Crock-or laughs as he make the statue cobras come to life and destroy the barbarian, but Timmy easily defeats them with one punch; he blows the statue dust off his hand making it shine) * Crocker: Your brawn is an equal match for my magic. So I'll defeat you with your greatest enemy... learning! * Timmy: Aaah! * Crocker: What's the capital of Tibequador? * Timmy: Uh, Pitsberg? * (a chain flies up and catches the barbarian on his left arm) * Crocker: What is ten times ten? * Timmy: Twenty seven? Or more? * (another chain caught Timmy by his right arm) * Crocker: (as two more chains grabs Timmy by his legs) How many bushes are in a peck? Name the tree types of triangles! * (all four chains caught Timmy) * Crocker: You failed! Looks like you're going to be held back... forever! * (the chains full Timmy through a wall) * Crocker: On second thought Turner, I am going to pass you... (F; turns into a giant snake) through my digestive track! * (Timmy looks in terror as Crocker chomps on his snake teeth) * Timmy: Nagules, quick, nag! Nag like you've never nagged before! * (close up to Nagules' foot as she crushes a skull; she pulls up her ''nag balm and put some on her lips; she opens her mouth and Cosmotheous squirt spray though her throat; she whips a sweat off her face and crunches her head and starts to nag)'' * Wanda: Crocker! Stand up straight! Your getting yourself a hunch! * (Crocker stands up straight) * Wanda: And what are you doing with your ear? Get that thing off your neck and put it back on your head where it belongs! * Crocker: But... * Wanda: Look me in the eye when your talking to me! * Crocker turns back) * Wanda: Didn't your mother tell you to take off that hat? You'll poke your eye out! And when was the last time you trimmed your fingernails? (gross screenshot of Crockers fingernails) Never?! (walks up to Crocker making him back away) And would it kill you to clean up these skulls? Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag! * (Crocker trip and fell near Cosmotheous) * Crocker: (to Cosmotheous) Seriously? How do you put up with that? * Cosmo: (pulls a cotton ball out of his ear) I'm sorry, what is it? * (cut back to Timmy as he grabs a hold of the two top chains from his arms and use his strength to pull himself out making the wall and ceiling to crack until a falling debris on top of Crocker begin to fall on him) * Crocker: (as he hold up the chalice) In retrospect, it may not have been worth it... * (the giant rock fell on Crocker only leaving out his hand still holding the chalice; Timmy climbs up and got his chalice back as it glows brightly; ripple swirls until the chalice appears as a crude handmade cup and Timmy as he normal self giving it to his mom) * Timmy: Happy Mother's Day mom! I made this at school! * Mom: Thanks Timmy! (picks up her present) Why does it say mome! * Timmy: That's your name! Mom-e! * (to Cosmo and Wanda) * Cosmo: Wow! Learning really is his enemy! * Wanda: Aww... Well, spelling aside, it was a nice thought. * Jorgen: And they all lived happily ever after. (close the book; turns his head and sees Binky sleeping) Aww... * (Binky snores and farts at the same time) * Jorgen: Oh, that's not just the flu. * (screen fades to Jorgen in-cursive writing writes "''The End")'' Category:Episode transcripts Category:Incomplete Transcripts